I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
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