Then all the boys were saying that they were amazed at how much i could smoke...i'm so proud of myself
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
Randomize
