She is in my trunk
I was so high i started crying when i saw how much puppychow was there.
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
i think my cat just said my name.
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
Randomize
