maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
She tried to have sex with him but he quote unquote respected her
I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
Randomize
