you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
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