If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
This whole thing is fucking bullshit. I should be wasting all my hard-earned money at Planet Con this weekend but NOOOOOOOOO. Now I'll never get Roy Thomas to sign my comic
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