you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
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