I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
Randomize
