What do you say about some mid-afternoon anal?
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
Randomize
