It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
I haven't seen Daniella all day...are you sure she was safe going home with that guy?
oh don't worry! i asked him if he was a rapist. he said no
i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
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