What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
Randomize
