I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
Randomize
