Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
RA just said I set the all time record for a student who lost houseing..30min..I was moveing out while my new roomate was moveing in. know of any off campous places to stay??
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
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