New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
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