I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
Randomize
