do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
Randomize
