the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
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