Everytime we come here you have an ex here.
Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
Randomize
