I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
chasing shots of tequilla with sun chips. its doable but not recommended
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
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