Moan for me like Helen Keller
god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
I woke up from my nap, looked out my window, and saw about bout 6 people get tasered in less than 20 seconds.....could someone please tell me what's going on.
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
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