so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
Randomize
