My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
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