you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
pedialite and red bull = repair kit
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
Where are you guys?
Drunk
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
Randomize
