Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
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