If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
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