just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
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