I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Randomize
