Reggie can tackle my bush.
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
Randomize
