we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
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