Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
it's not cheating when I paid for it
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
She has an alarming number of pictures with cat ears but the sex is amazing.
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
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