I have demons in me.
my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
Randomize
