Me. At least after what I've been through.
Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
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