Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
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