it was a shit show
We all have our days. But yours might be on the internet.
Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
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