More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
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