dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
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