So #1 way to come back last night and #2 wishbone and I broke into his house and i opened joey's door and u were both passed out and pantless.
the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
we should paint friendship bongs
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