I hate all girls vehemently.
Sorry, I don't speak sober.
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
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