why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
Randomize
