If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
Randomize
