i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
Ok so serious question: if one wanted to say the plural of mongoose, would it be mongooses or mongeese?
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
Randomize
