if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
..puke & rally mid art final. HAPPY CINCO DE MAYO!
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
Woke up backwards on a recliner
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
How high?! We watched paid programming for 45 minutes before we realized it wasn't just a long commercial. So pretty high. The Bionic fish finder looks promising, though.
Lets get a boat first.
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
Randomize
