I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
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