Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
whatever. as long as im no longer referred to as the girl who fucked the pledge on his big brother's couch.
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
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