Good face, no body. And apparently her vagina is related to chewbaca.
Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
Randomize
