Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
Randomize