we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
They took my balls.
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
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