you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
Goodbye hot boy in my geo class...goodbye my lover, goodbye my friend. you have been the one, you have been the reason I came to claassss
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
You left your underwear on the fireplace
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
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