I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
Randomize
