Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
Shitshow foam night was such a success
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
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