Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
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