And Anthony pissed on himself at the strip club
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
No subtext here. People are naked.
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
Randomize
