There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
Randomize
