he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
We hotboxed his bathroom. going to be a good night
Hotbox went wrong - smoke sets off fire alarm. Firefighters coming
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