Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
wasn't that the evening we made out with the girls from the dental school, drank 3000 beers, almost had to beat up a guy at the strip club and James nailed some hot piece of tail and took her OSU windbreaker, which my dad went on to wear multiple times after finding it in the garage.
Yes. To all of that. Yes.
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
Randomize
