So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
Randomize
