About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
He just said "I made some changes in my life. The male g-spot is in the rectum and I wanted to explore that."
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
Randomize
