So someone put the baby mannequins in sex positions
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
Tell her that we understand the angle wasn't the best on the first video and that we forgive her.
Randomize
