Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
Actually, all he talks about is how great the sex is with her and how crappy you were at it. Stop being a bitch and gossiping masking it as self-righteousness.
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Randomize