ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
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