you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
Fuck I think I want to but I don't think I should. Caught between should and wanting.
just follow your vagina
Quote of the day.
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
Randomize
