he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
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