PS the last 3 guys I've hooked up with were a CEO, a mechanical bull operator and a magic the gathering player...I need a type...
Ur type is ready and willing
Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
By the way seagulls wings are very soft. And the lesbian and or by sexual twins say hello. Be home in the little bit time frame.
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
Randomize
