Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
Randomize
