You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
Randomize
