my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
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