she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
Randomize
