this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
Randomize
