Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
Randomize
