first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
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