Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
Randomize
